Fear: painful agitation in the presence or anticipation of danger. Mirriam Webster.
For me Fear was the end of my dream of spending my retirement riding my horse. In another word: Devastating. Perhaps you have felt this crippling emotion as well. If you have, HUGS. Acknowledge your Fear. Take a deep breath, you can conquer Fear. Reducing it to healthy fear. The acknowledgement of possible dangers and mitigating them.
Embarrassment is having your 30 plus daughter lead you on your horse. Not that she wasn’t totally kind and supportive. She was. But it was a reversal or roles I didn’t want. I did not have an epiphany. I felt Fear and Embarrassed and a little grateful for the kindness. My dreams were shattered and I was suddenly hollow.
I tried to put Fear in it’s place. Unsuccessful. I tried to ignore Fear by avoiding my horse. Heart-wrenching.
Slowly I acknowledged Fear and tried to face it intellectually. Why was I afraid? Because I could get hurt. Why would I, a horsewoman, who had competed in Three Day Events and Western Play Days be afraid of getting injured? Because I hadn’t ridden in several years. I was older, fatter, had chronic pain, and had loss balance and strength.
That insight gave me something to work with. I am fortunate my friend and colleague Dr Baker helped with my chronic arthritis pain. The reduction of pain allowed me to work on my weight and loss of balance and strength. It was a slow path, no overnight miracles, but time well spent in bonding with my horse while on the ground.
My suggestion is that you break your Fear down into components and then deal with them. You can do this. Your desire to live your Dream Life will carry you through. Join our Facebook Group Aging Horsewomen Intl. Contact me.
